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Dear sun in the sky..

I dreaded waking up today. I woke up early but went back to sleep and just laid there thinking about things when my phone rang. If I had looked, I wouldn't have answered.. It was Michelle, asking if it had been me calling her. I didn't tho. I wasn't expecting to ever hear from her. We ended up talking for a bit. It was ackward for me at moments. I didn't know what to say, when she said I'm the only one she can depend on and that she had been angry with me. And that she was sorry.. I just stayed kind of quiet and mumbled. But I always groan and mumble.

That was an hour ago.. Now I'm just sitting here in my backyard just staring off into space, not really thinking. I feel like crap and tired. Like my body feels weak. It's not use to just sitting around doing nothing. I'm glad I got up tho. I had to bcus she had no place to stay and she said mike had just left, that it was too much drama for him. That's not my doing.. But I got up and sent her what I had in my pockets. I have 4 bucks but since I don't plan on going anywhere, that's enough for me. Tomorrow I'll send her more after work. I can't just turn my back on her, regardless of how much she hurts me, I just can't.. I do love her. But I'm also in a very bad mental state..I have no idea what to do or what my options are or where I even stand with her right now. How quickly things change between us.

I had to cancel dinner with Brenda but she's still going to come over since she's in town today so I can look over her bike and put the aero bars on for her. I'm not feeling very socialable, plus I have no money now anyhow, but I'm more than okay with bcus atleast I know it's used properly. Some things are just more important than hanging out with friends or what I want. Priorities.

One more cigarette while I stare off into space and get up and finish cleaning the house. I better text Michelle and see if it went thru now. It's been more than half an hour.

Sigh.

How quickly things change..indeed.

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